Are there people out there in the world who really think that John Mayer is cool guy? That’s so foreign to me. Whenever I see his smug dirt-lip, I want to smack him. Whenever I hear his voice, I want to claw out my eardrums. Whenever I read something that he wrote or said, I pray to God that he (she?) would take away my literacy. So it goes with this new interview John did with New York Magazine’s Vulture column. This interview took place when John was playing host at a party at the Armani store (here for the full interview). As the Jedi master says: “The douche is strong in this one.”
Vulture: What do you think about Obama receiving the Nobel Peace Prize?
JM: I think it’s fantastic.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but maybe someone else deserved it more.
Who? If you don’t know who else should have gotten it instead of Obama, I love you, you’re beautiful, but shut your f-cking mouth.
What do you think about health care? Would you take the public option?
Have you ever heard me play guitar? I’m really f-cking good. You know what I’m bad at? Answering questions about public health care. This is not in my wheelhouse. Do you have any questions about music? I almost got a mad need to lighten up. You need to lighten up, because the questions you asked me were all troublemaking questions. If someone gave me the Nobel Peace Prize, and I didn’t deserve it, I would just shut my mouth and enjoy the hell out of it.
Which I’m sure he’s doing.
What’s he going to do, send it back? It’s like I’m getting a wrongful bulge in my pants and everyone’s thinking I’ve got a nine-inch c-ck. I’m not going to argue with them, I’m going to let them think I have a nine-inch c-ck.
How about a style question?
Yes, this seems to be apropos. Do you get paid for this?
I do it more for fun.
You do this for fun? That’s like me saying … never mind.
What do you think about guys with seventies mustaches?
I don’t give a f-ck about who wears their face what way. If I could grow a beard, I’d have some nutty things going on on my face.
You can’t grow a beard?
It’s a pituitary thing. I know you’re not that much of a moron.
These are questions my editor wanted me to ask. I’m trying to build my journalistic career here.
You’re not building a journalistic career. You’re making yourself look like a moron and you’re not a moron. Who’s your editor?
Jada.
Jada is making you sound like a moron in front of people.
Why don’t you tell me about your new album? You’ve been in the studio for a while.
I have a record coming out November 17.
Any particular theme or inspiration behind this one that makes it different from previous albums?
Look what we’re doing right now! We’re connecting right now! This is great! Yeah, it’s going to be quite melodically bright, but the themes are all about heartbreak.
How is that different? Haven’t you written a lot about heartbreak?
I think most artists do, but this is really breaking into the theme of it as a concept.
Is there hope behind the heartbreak?
The melody is the hope. The lyrics are the heartbreak, the melody is the hope. If you have the lyrics being the heartbreak and the music as the heartbreak, your editor made you ask stupid f’ing questions! You’re standing in front of me acting as if these questions are fair, but now we’re talking about something real. So there was stuff I wanted to put on the record that just didn’t fit the concept. So the next record will have that concept.
What concept?
More political things, worldly things.
Such as?
Nothing rhymed with public option.
You don’t always have to rhyme, though.
I’m going to forcefully sodomize your editor.
[From New York Magazine’s Vulture Column]
Shut it, Dick-breath. If you don’t want to talk to reporters, then don’t talk to reporters. If you don’t want to answer questions, then don’t answer them. If you don’t want to promote your latest O-face album, then don’t. But please, for the love of God, don’t ever do another damn interview like that again. Too much sketchy imagery infecting my brain’s purity. Blah blah… nine-inch….blah… sodomize…GAH! Must. Bleach. Brain.
Oh, by the way… in this week’s issue, Us Weekly is reporting that John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are back together. AGAIN. Discuss.
Here’s Mayer attempting his cool guy walk in Soho on Sunday. Images thanks to WENN.com .
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